If you are a follower of Jesus, there’s probably at least one person in your family who isn’t a believer. Or, if you’re like me, you may be the only believer in your family. I came to faith as a 13-year-old middle schooler in 1992. At that time, and even until this day, I remain the only believer within my family of origin. I long for the people I love, who bore and raised me and have loved me unconditionally despite our philosophical differences to know Jesus and experience His grace, redemption and healing. For years, my father, mother and sister were fine with me being a Christian as long as I didn’t preach to them and church didn’t interfere with my academics (my parents’ number one priority).
When I was a junior in high school, my church at that time was organizing a summer short-term mission trip to help a small, struggling bilingual sister church in a city outside of San Diego. They needed guidance in developing their children’s ministry and training on how to execute a Vacation Bible School, as they had never done one. As an active children’s ministry volunteer, I jumped at the chance. Being underaged, I, of course, needed permission from my parents. My dad said no because he didn’t believe it was a good use of my time during a summer when my focus should have been on preparing for the SATs. Full disclosure—I lashed out in anger and cried (Read: full-blown teenage drama). I could not believe my parents wouldn’t allow me to go on a mission trip, considering what I knew other kids in high school were doing to pass the time over the summer.
In my disappointment and frustration, my youth pastor sat me down to talk. I expressed how I wanted to honor my parents in their decision, because they were my parents. But I also felt robbed of an opportunity to serve an excellent cause while using my gifts and talents. My youth pastor said something I will never forget, “You can be a short-term missionary anywhere in the world at any time, but you are full-time missionary in your own home, with your family.” It was a combination of feeling like I was being dubbed a knight while also being punched in the gut. It has taken me more than half of my life to try to learn how to love and minister to my family, and I remain a poor expert and an often poorer witness, but here are some things I’ve learned along the way:
1. It’s not about you. Each individual’s choice to follow Jesus belongs to them. Each of my family members has past experiences that have shaped their view of God and even though I have been their “in-house” missionary, others have shared the Gospel to them and they have not yet made the decision to follow Christ. It is between them and God (not you) to make that decision (Rev. 3:20). Jesus even warned the apostles that their enemies would be in their own households. You may disagree with one another, but don’t take it personally (Matt. 10:34-39).
2. Equip yourself to explain the hope you have. In I Peter 3:15, Peter writes “but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.” This really comes down to how real your relationship with Jesus is. Are you reading the Word? And more importantly, are you obeying it? Are you growing in your faith by serving? Are you being challenged in an area of your life where you are trusting wholly in God and relying on Him for wisdom? Fine-tune your story so that you can tell it in about five minutes but also be challenged in being able to include how your current circumstances are adding to your story.
3. Pray consistently for them. Over the course of 27 years, I have become complacent and have at times lost a little hope and definitely motivation to pray for my family. It can, at times, feel hopeless. Jesus, himself, prayed for the unbelievers being crucified alongside him (Luke 23:33-36), and Paul exhorted the Romans to do the same (Rom. 10:1).
4. Be real and honest in your journey. Following Jesus is not easy, and He said so (John 16:33)! Instead of trying to appear as if your life is blissfully carefree because you bear the name of Christ, I think your family will appreciate knowing that your journey isn’t easy, but that you have a hope and a peace that transcends all understanding (Phil. 4:7). Your authenticity will speak of your love, peace, hope and obedience to Jesus. It’s the je ne sais quoi that an unbeliever often marvels at in a true believer.
5. Lastly, take comfort that Jesus himself had unbelieving family members. The Apostle John wrote, “For not even his brothers believed in him” (John 7:5). Prior to His crucifixion, not one of his brothers was mentioned as a disciple, but after His resurrection and ascension, they were worshipping Him as the risen Savior in the upper room (Acts 1:14). His brothers knew Him for over 30 years but didn’t believe. Granted, I can’t imagine having Jesus as a sibling–with His sinless nature, wisdom, and favor among His parents, who knew He was the Lord. While no specific accounts are in Scripture, I don’t doubt Jesus loved and cared for his brothers and ministered to them. I’m sure He also experienced rejection and ridicule from them. So take heart—we worship a Savior who really knows exactly what we are going through, and his unbelieving brothers eventually came to believe. Please don’t give up hope. Continue to love and pray for your unbelieving family.
“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance,”
-II Peter 3:9.
Note: After I calmed down, I submitted to my parents’ decision and after a week or so, they decided to let me go. It was a great, fruitful trip and our team did what we set out to accomplish and more, through His mighty power.
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Written by Joyce Young
sheisdignified.wordpress.com 